To whom much is given


 

wpid-wp-1454715336621.jpgToday was a peculiar day. Almost like an out of body experience. It was very powerful and reiterated 5 valuable lessons for me.

 

My day started at 3am. Since I started school, I always wake up around 3. At first, I was angry because I have to get up at 6am. In the second week of school I just decided to embrace it. I started using it as a time to meditate and I would ask God what I was supposed to be doing. Was there someone I should reach out to? Was there something I should know? And lately I’ve been getting some powerful answers. [Going back to school has ignited something inside of me. Maybe it’s my spirit in motion. Maybe something was awakened that has been dormant below the surface. Whatever it is, I feel it deep down inside. It speaks to me.] This morning all the ladies in my class popped into my head. It was like I could see all the troubles they were experiencing and that a lot of them needed some encouragement. I could literally feel it in my bones. At first, I tried to shake it off. I don’t know any of these ladies on a personal level and didn’t want to offend anyone. But, once I got to school I felt compelled to hug one classmate in particular, so I did, I whispered words of encouragement and she began to cry. I then knew I had to follow my instincts no matter what. I asked the teacher if I could have a moment to speak to the class. As I began to share my story and my history of depression, I kind of left my body. I felt warm inside. The ladies in my class began to cry. Some consoled others and the more I shared the more love I could feel in the room. One person got angry and walked away while I was speaking. I saw her out of the corner of my eye and after it was all over, I wondered if I offended her. It wasn’t my intention. All of the others ladies embraced each other. One began to have a panic attack. I took her outside and comforted her until she was able to calm down. Once I came back into the classroom, it was a beautiful thing. They all thanked me and said it was what they needed. One person said “I didn’t want to hear what you were saying but I needed to hear it.” And the young lady that walked away in anger? She later confided in me that she was angry because I reminded her of her mother when she was well. Her mother is battling emotional disorders. She thanked me as well. These are the 5 lessons I learned from this experience.

 

1. Always follow your instinct. Even when you don’t understand it. There is something deep down inside you that will always point you in the right direction. That gut feeling. That “knowing that you know that you know.”

 

2. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Imagine if I didn’t share my story because I was afraid someone would see my weaknesses. Your ability to show your weakness is actually a strength. If you pretend to be strong all the time, it will eventually break you down.

 

3. Walk in your truth. I am constantly transparent. I don’t mind sharing because I know we are here to help each other. By walking in your truth, you can be a beacon of light. Someone is always watching you.

 

4. Love is universal. There are ladies of different cultures, races and religions in my class. Before I spoke I explained what God is for me and that I realize that is different for everyone. I respect the differences of those around me. When you allow love in, it speaks without speaking. In these ladies I have found a new family to love.

 

5. Recharge. After this exchange of energy my body was depleted. I know it was because I allowed God to use me. I didn’t speak for the rest of the day unless necessary. What I noticed what that I had given so much to everyone in that room that I needed time to recharge myself. So I’ll be going to bed early tonight so that I can take care of me. You can’t serve from an empty vessel.

 

As always, thank you for reading my blog! I love reading the comments that you all leave. They are a source of encouragement. I definitely know that to whom much is given, much is required. Spread some love today.

 

School is in session

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Last Tuesday I did something I said I would never do again. I went back to school. If you love school and are an advocate for higher education, I applaud you. I, however, hate school. The thought of sitting in a classroom and taking stressful tests is not my idea of a good time. So let me tell you the story of why I broke my promise to myself. I have been doing natural hair for 16 years and I love it, but, as I age, I know I can’t stand behind the chair much longer. Originally I planned to retire in 2015, but the way my bank account was set up, that didn’t happen. A few months ago I was tapped to be a part of the CPCC Cosmetology Board. When I was asked I immediately accepted and was excited although I wasn’t sure what was in store. In our very first meeting, the director spoke of some of the challenges for the CPCC Cosmetology program because it’s fairly new. One of the obstacles was that it was hard to secure instructors. The program allows you to also earn an Associates Degree at the same time you are working towards your cosmetology license so in order to be an instructor, you must have an associates degree and a cosmetology license. Although it’s not uncommon, a lot of people in the industry don’t have both. When she said that, the voice inside of me immediately said: “You should become a cosmetology instructor.” I immediately replied: “You’re an idiot.”
But it kept talking to me throughout the rest of the meeting so after it was over, I asked what I would have to do to become an instructor. I was told I would have to complete the entire CPCC cosmetology program even though I already had a natural hair license and then attend an additional 2 semesters for the instructors program. Upon completion, I would have an Associates Degree in Applied Sciences, a cosmetology degree and a cosmetology instructor’s license. I asked how long that would take….”Oh just a little over 2 1/2 years.” WTF? Not only would I be taking cosmetology classes but other classes towards my degree as well. The voice kept nagging at me. I kept saying “shut up.” If you read my blogs you already know I’m a huge believer in intuition and I always listen but I was doubtful, hesitant and just didn’t want to do it. I talked it over with my love, my mom and my girls. Everyone agreed that it would be a great idea. They all agreed to help me with my school work, help me study, whatever I needed. I begrudgingly applied for school, for financial aid, registered for classes, got my school ID, purchased my books and uniforms. I was nervous to say the least. But I did it anyway. The day before I started class, I decided to cut my locs for a fresh start, get my nails done and get a massage to relax my nerves. My day did not go as planned and my nail appointment made me late for my massage appointment so I called my massage therapist to cancel. While I was on the phone with her, I was rear ended. They hit me so hard, I yelled and the phone flew out of my hand.  Once I gathered myself, I realized what happened and got out of the car. I think I was slightly in a state of shock. Once the police came, filled out a report and left I was still kind of in a daze. What if I didn’t cancel my massage appointment? What if I had just kept going there instead of turning around? What if I had stayed at my nail appt a little longer? Then I reminded myself, “Everything happens for a reason.” As I sit here writing, even with neck pain, I still don’t know what the purpose of that accident was. I do know that I am at peace with it. I do know that it jolted something inside of me. I do know that I was diligent about going to school every day after the accident even though I was exhausted every single day. I do know that this may be one of the biggest challenges I have taken. I do know I want to have an impact on someone’s life. I do know that I have already learned a lot in my first week of school. I do know I’ve met some cool people. Sometimes when we choose to do things we don’t want to do, we somehow muster the energy to rise to the challenge. When you focus on the bigger picture it even makes the challenge a little less threatening. I’ll admit that I’m afraid. Afraid that I will want to quit when it gets too hard. Afraid that I won’t always feel like rising to the challenge. I’m choosing to work past the fear. What will do you today?

Babies and fools

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This morning I performed a ritual that’s become pretty common for me. I was lying in bed in gratitation. Yep, made that up. It’s kinda like gratitude, meditation and prayer all rolled into one. There is no method…. I just start to thinking of all the things and people I’m grateful for which leads up to a sorta meditation/prayer thingie. It works for me. This morning during that process, I was thinking about something I read yesterday. It suggested we should think with our hearts. That we use our heads too much and it leads us away from our true purpose. That the heart is actually stronger than the head. I thought to myself that we have been trained to think that someone that thinks with their heart is foolish. And the only people I know that think with their hearts are babies. They operate from their hearts because their logical thinking isn’t developed. Yet, their every need is met. That thought caused a lightbulb effect…..”God takes care of babies and fools.” I FINALLY get the correlation of the two. God takes care of those that follow their heart. Because heart thinking is guided by universal law. I’ve done things in my life that just “felt right” even though logically they seemed crazy. (Like in 2010, the decision to move to Raleigh to work for someone else when I co owned a successful and thriving salon.) Each time I was guided on a path that took me to somewhere I needed to go. 2015 was not a good year for me and this morning I realized why. I spent almost the entire time in logical thinking vs heart thinking. I attempted to be responsible, adulted and ended up being stressed the hell out. Yep, me….the spreader of love. I rarely get sick however this year I was in severe pain, had numerous visits to the doctor, excessive tests done and every single one came back negative. Basically they said nothing was wrong with me. That I was tense, stressed and that I needed to exercise. Everyday I felt tired, pained, and exhausted. One day I realized what was happening. I literally stopped letting the universe take care of me and was doing a piss poor job of taking care of myself. I feel like a shift occurred during the last week of December. I feel lighter, I feel my heart radiating , I feel my light shining. I’m ready to relinquish logical thinking again, be foolish and allow God to provide. To take paths less traveled by and see what adventures they lead to. I encourage you to follow your heart this year as well. Happy New Year!

My Review of Ariat Billie – Women’s – Shoes – Brown

Originally submitted at OnlineShoes.com

Step out in the Ariat Billie boot, a style that encourages you to kick up your heels. This women’s ankle boot offers traditional Western style in a pared-down silhouette. The full grain leather upper is decorated with a five-row stitch pattern and features an inside zipper for easy on/off. Ariat’s …


Narrow heel

By Tinesha from Charlotte NC on 11/5/2015

 

4out of 5

Sizing: Feels full size too small

Width: Feels too narrow

Pros: Stylish, Well Made, Cute, Stable

Cons: Difficult Entry/Exit

Describe Yourself: Stylish

I ordered these after reading several reviews. I hate online shopping but because I felt all the reviews seemed helpful and they offer free shipping I decided to bite the bullet. The boots are gorgeous but opposite of the other reviews I found them to be a half size too small vs too big. I ordered a size down because of this but I could barely get my foot all the way in the boot. The heel is VERY narrow… I could feel a blister coming on just from the try on. LOL. I think if it wasn’t for that I could have ordered a half size up and been fine but I think I need another full size up which isn’t offered so I am a little bummed. I have wanted this boot for over a year. Perhaps I’ll have better luck next time.

(legalese)

I hate parties

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I don’t know how I became an introvert. It just happened one day. I used to love to go to every party…be the hype girl and life of the party. In my early twenties I was THE ultimate party girl. I was there when the party started and stayed until the lights went up. I remember I had 2 jobs and I would be so tired that I would get to the party early and take a nap on the speaker until lots of people started to arrive. Then I would get myself together and party the night away. I loved to dance. That started when I was a little girl and my mom would have house parties. Me and my brother always danced together. We even clubbed together. I would come home from A&T (yep I’m an Aggie dropout) and teach him the latest dances and we would go to the club and tear it up. For some of you that know me from my older years, these stories are hard to believe but there are witnesses. I don’t know when my love of partying stopped but one day it did. Maybe it was when I started to love my own company. In the club I was always looking for something…. attention, a date, drinks….something. But as I got older and started to like who I was as a person the need for the club scene disappeared. And somewhere along the way I became an introvert. Don’t get me wrong…. I’m social and I love people but if I have a choice in the matter, I’d rather be at home. I actually went to a party the other night and had an amazing time but I had to talk to myself for days so I wouldn’t back out. Maybe I’m just getting old. Who knows. But I do know I like the skin I’m in. And for a person who once hated the thought of being a loner, I don’t mind spending time alone. I actually love it. What’s something about you that has changed that you never thought would?

How I’m surviving the struggle

I’ve been told recently that people think I’m wealthy. Depending on the measure of wealth that could be a true statement. I love and am loved by many so I am abundantly wealthy in love and happiness but not so much in the monetary form. I could see how perceptions would lead some to believe I have a plethora of money bags lying around because I’m a lover of nice things but nothing could be farther from the truth. As a small business owner, the majority of the money I make goes back into my business.

Let me be honest in saying I hesitated about writing this post because finances are always a touchy subject but my spirit says it can help someone. A lot of us are struggling financially and someone is watching you wondering how you do what you do so I decided to share some of my tips here.

At one point, budgeting saved my life. Then, after a while, it actually made me more stressed than anything else. Why? Because there always seems to be more month than money. Budgets do work and even though I no longer have a specific budget I’m very regimented in my spending habits. I only have TWO non essential items that I spend money on and those are my nails and eating out. We all need something that makes us feel happy and pretty and for me, that would be my nails. I love getting my nails done and feeling girly. Although food is a necessity, eating out isn’t but it allows me to feel a little bit of normalcy in my life. I like people watching and the social aspect of eating out. [In my mind] it also saves on my power bill but I’m not sure if that’s actually true.

So, on the financial front outside of that, how do I stay afloat?

1. Faith. Only God knows how most of my bills get paid. But I trust that there is a higher power working in my favor. It has never failed me and it always surprises me.

2. Minimalism. I’m definitely a minimalist and I do not shop at all anymore unless it’s completely necessary and even then I flinch at the idea. I buy only what I truly need. For instance, the onesie I recently purchased to limit the use of my heat this winter and I will definitely need a new pair of boots soon.  I only own 7 pair of shoes TOTAL for every season.

3. I give. Anytime I purchase something I give something away. I just feel like it creates good energy. It helps me to stay a minimalist because I don’t have a bunch of things I don’t use. And if I am led to give someone something just because…..even if it’s my favorite, I do it because of #1 on this list.

4. I barter….ALOT. If I know someone that has something that I need or want I will try to figure out if I have something that is beneficial to them so I can barter. Because I’m a natural hairstylist I often barter hair services for things I need. It is a long lost skill that our ancestors once used for survival.

5. I buy hygiene essentials that last a long time. How is that possible you ask? I use baking soda for toothpaste, I use a natural crystal deodorant that lasts a year (I only recommend this if you have good eating habits because that is what helps to keep body odor at a minimum…what goes in comes out), I use Dr. Brother’s liquid soap for a face wash and showering, and grapeseed oil or coconut oil as a moisturizer. I use vinegar and blue dawn dish detergent for cleaning and disinfecting.  I buy toilet paper and paper towels in large quantities when they are on sale.

And that my friends is pretty much my spending habits in a nutshell. We have a tendency to think we are alone in the struggle and we are not. It can be very overwhelming. Everything doesn’t work for everybody. My wish is that you find something that works for you and your lifestyle. Sell things you don’t want or need and limit your spending habits. If it feels good now but makes you feel miserable later, it’s not worth it. And something that you consider junk could be a treasure to someone else.

If I missed anything or if you have questions, I’m happy to answer. Comment in the blog or send me a private email. tinesha@tineshamatthews.com
Whatever you do, spread love!